I know after that last post, many of you have been wondering how things have been going.  It was a hard post for me to write and actually hit "publish" on but I am so glad I did.  I've wanted to be truthful from the beginning but sometimes the truth is hard to put out there. And I never ever want to give the impression that things are going terrible here.  I was trying to give you a look inside a moment of our lives right now.  And that moment was tough.  Really tough.  But the thing is, it was a moment in the grand scheme of life.  And we've had many "moments" since then.  Some good and some not so good.  Grief is a real thing for a child that has been in an orphanage.  For a child that has never felt the love of a father or a mother.  Not having someone to hold them when they fell or been there in the middle of the night when they were scared.  I can tell you honestly though that I wouldn't trade this transition.  In all of it's difficulties and amazingness.  You know why?  Because it's her transition.  It's what she needs to go through.  And we willingly walk through that because we love her. 

But I want to say THANK YOU!  Thank you for the love that you have shown us.  Thank you for the emails that you sent telling us your stories.  The support has been completely overwhelming.  Thank you for loving us & for loving Alina even though many of you have not met her yet. 

So today marks the day that one month ago we became a forever family!  I can't believe the changes that have taken place in just one month. 

Our social worker came for our first post placement visit (we will have to have these for the next 5 years).  She asked what one word we would use to describe Alina and without hesitation, I said, "joyful."  This little girl is so full of life that even when she brushes her teeth, she has a little dance to go with it.  She laughs a lot and makes us laugh too.  She is still parroting us quite a bit but put her first sentence together the other week.  "Baba (daddy), Sasha pooted."  Now if that doesn't tell you something about her personality, I don't know what will.  ;)  I wrote her name on the chalkboard the other day & said, "Alina".  She took the chalk from me, drew some lines on the chalkboard and said, "Mama."  She is growing and changing so much from the first day we met her.  She is opening up to us.  She is learning to love and to accept love.  What an incredible gift!

WARNING:  Very raw post ahead. I don't intend it to be a "Debbie Downer" kind of post and I really debated about posting this blog but I wanted to share for several reasons.  1)  Lots of times in life, we show only our "highlight" reel.  Things we only want others to see and not the real, hard stuff of life.  2)  We want other adoptive families out there to know that they are not alone in their struggles.  3)  We want you to know that we may not return calls, texts or emails right now but we still love you.  4)  We need your prayers.


Someday I will write about all the craziness that we encountered when we were leaving China and entering Hong Kong.  About a crazy driver who called himself, "Master", a lady at the China border who didn't want to let us through because Alina wouldn't speak to her and about a lady in a mask at the Hong Kong border who was shooting at us with what appeared to be a radar gun (taking our temperature?).  Someday I will have to remember to tell you those stories.  But today I want to talk about transitions.

By the time we left China, Alina had become very attached to all of us.  I guess I was kind of blissfully ignorant when we headed for the US thinking that the hard part of the transition was over.  I didn't think about what was comfortable for us may not be comfortable for her.  New sights, new smells, new environment, an animal that walks around in the house.  It was all quite scary to her.  The first night and the next few nights we got little to no sleep.  Alina was up and unhappy and screaming and no matter what we did for her nothing would soothe her.  We slept an hour or 2 here or there but we were exhausted.  Caylee ended up sleeping away from home for 3 nights because the screaming was too much.  This little girl who had opened up so much to us in just a week, took some giant steps backward.  We were at a loss.  Everything you learn goes out the window.  "Now where was that chapter I read about 'Screaming, Scared Child?'".

Finally on Sunday and Monday we were able to get some steady sleep.  In the daytime she is fine and my goodness...things have changed so much.  She is sweet and loving and so funny!  Hilarious!  She is freely giving kisses!  She is singing songs.  It has been wonderful to watch.  But as soon as nighttime rolls around, the fear creeps in. 

Tonight was difficult again.  She didn't want to be held and if I tried to, she would just scream in my face.  I had to put her down on the ground (on the carpet) and let her cry  because she was starting to hit me.  There was nothing I could do.  Nothing I could say to help her.  I could just be there for her.  Only just let her know that mama is here and not going anywhere.  She finally settled.  To be honest, I think it was more out of sheer exhaustion.  She let me hold her.  I cried.  She fell asleep in my arms.  Afraid to move, I had to wipe my snotty nose on my sweatshirt because I didn't want to wake her.

As I looked into her sweet face, I realized that her pain and her loss became our pain and loss.  Adoption is beautiful but it also comes with loss.  Loss of her birthparents, loss of birth country, loss of everything she felt secure in.  We share in that loss with her.  We share in her pain.  She doesn't know yet what forever is and that we are forever.  What she knows is fear and she knows pain and we willingly share in that with her because we love her.

Don't hear me wrong, having a forever family is the best most wonderful thing that could happen for an orphan in China.  But this is no "happily ever after" story.  This is real life.  And about a little girl who is still in survival mode.  We will help her to walk through that and we will be there for her.  We are her forever family.

Monday

Last night was easier still to get Alina to sleep.  But when she is tired, she is tired and wants to sleep (whether she knows it or not).

 

Today must have been opposite day because Alina only wanted mama.  She reached for me almost every time.  I remember the first day that Randy got her to reach for him.  He was so excited & yelled," SHE REACHED FOR ME!"  It really is amazing to see how much things have changed in the past week.  She is starting to trust us all more.   

 

We went to the Guangzhou Folk Art Museum.  I'm sorry to say but I almost skipped this one because I didn't think it would be very interesting (plus I wasn't feeling the best).  Was I ever wrong.  I felt like I was living an architect's dream.  The building was breathtaking. The doors were painted with scary warriors.  They believed that the scarier the picture, the more it would prevent people from entering.  We walked through building and I was in awe.  There was a section with wooden panels and each panel was carved with a different picture.  I was teary just standing there taking it all in.  Each wooden panel was carved with a different scene and had a different meaning.  No mass production here. 

 

We went into a room which looked like they had different paintings.  It was embroidery!  EMBROIDERY!!  So much detail in each of those pictures!  The beauty really was overwhelming!

 

Next we went to New Town which is where the new business section is and where the Asian games were held.  It felt so good to be outside walking by the water.

 

We met up for a group photo at 5:00 and after that we headed over to the park (across the street) with a few friends.  We came at a great time of year because everything is so bright and colorful for Chinese New Year.  We were told by our guide that since we are here, we have to see the statue of the ram in the park.  We walked and walked and walked some more.  We started to wonder if she didn't send us on a wild goose chase.  Like maybe she was laughing at the hotel and we were looking for something that didn't exist.  ;)  We found a guard who showed us on the map where to go.  Um...he didn't tell us that it was up a kabillion steps.  We walked up some steps.  We walked up some more steps.  Finally!  We arrived!  I think our friend's son summed it up the best.  As soon as we got up there he said, "Why is that one goat smelling the other goat's butt?" (it is nursing).  Hilarious! 

 

We had a quick meal at McDonalds and then headed straight to bed.  I am loving all the sights and sounds and everything we see here but we are excited about getting home!

 

Tuesday

I know...2 updates in one day!  WHAT?  Today was our US Consulate appointment.  We had to meet at 7:45 in the lobby.  Ugh to early mornings!  But happy for the appointment!  And by the way...all of our paperwork came in and on time too!  Hooray!!  I was so nervous going in because our guide couldn't come in with us.  We were on our own.  Ok...so I have become a little spoiled by them.  ;)  When we got there, the line was looooong!  I mean hundreds and hundreds of people.  Good thing we had an appointment!  We were able to walk right past most of the people there.  It's weird, Shiyan told us that we had to push in past the people or we wouldn't be able to get through.  It's such a weird feeling to have to push people out of your way to get to where you need to go (hmm...seems like there should be a story in that line there somewhere). 

 

Everything went really well and quite uneventful.  But Shiyan checked all of our paperwork before handing it back to us to make sure we had everything.  We had to take an oath.  We had to show our paperwork.  We had to wait for the other families and then we were done.  Easy peasy.  And much easier than I thought in my own mind.  You know...especially with my fear of being hauled away and stuff.  ;) 

 

Tomorrow morning (Wed) we will get Alina's visa back and then head to Hong Kong.  We will stay overnight in Hong Kong and then fly out of Hong Kong the next day.  Homeward bound!!  We are so excited to be headed home! Please pray for our trip home.  Alina has been through so many changes in just a week and this change is going to be huge. 

 

 

Sunday

 

Last night Randy was able to get Alina to sleep much easier.  There was crying involved but not as much.  I have to think about the progress that we have had in just under a week!  So much has changed.  The sleeping will come.  We are just along for the ride.  ;)

 

Today we went to Shamien Island.  This is where the "White Swan" hotel was.  This is the hotel where all of the adoptive families used to stay.  But it is currently under renovation.  It also used to be thriving with businesses because of the White Swan being there but unfortunately many of them have closed. 

 

I was determined to find a place called "Jenny's".  I have heard several adoptive families talk about this place and how sweet the owner Jenny is.  We left the group and started walking (Caylee was not too happy that we left the group).  We walked and walked and ended up at a place where the military was doing drills and we figured we probably walked too far.  We turned around and walked through a residential neighborhood and it was so awesome to see so much of the community outside.  They were playing badmitten, they were practicing tai chi, they were dancing.  It looked like it would be great to be a part of their community.  There were also several photo shoots happening and we got to see all the models made up & in their fancy duds (did you like how I said fancy duds there?).  ;)

 

Randy was the first to spot Jenny's. We were excited to be there because we've heard so much about this place.  She takes photos of all of the adoptive families that come through & keeps a scrap book.  She is a precious lady.  We spent a little while there & got Caylee and Alina matching traditional dresses. 

 

We went to a few other shops and noticed that they were setting up for a craft fair.  What a great day to be on Shamien Island!  We watched a man who was hand painting on a wallet.  We got one for Alina when she gets older.  

 

When we got back on the bus, we found out that our guide, Shiyan is totally the baby whisperer.  One of the baby's starting fussing, she walked over & said something to him in Mandarin and he stopped right away.  And although I didn't see it, it happened again with one of the other babies.  

 

As long as I am talking about Shiyan, I just have to say that she is worth her weight in gold!  She has taken care of us the whole entire time.  As I was asking her about the passport, she said, "It's my job to worry.  Your job is to relax."  She came up to our room to get some documents and talked to us awhile about the orphanage that Alina was at and some different things.  She is excited to see what happens with Alina once she gets the medical care that she needs.  She has also been excited to see the changes in her in less than a week.

 

I have to tell you about this really amazing thing that happened today.  SHE KISSED ME!!  Oh my goodness!!  I am just beyond excited about the changes that are taking place in her.  I feel like she is so much more comfortable around me and because she is, I can be myself around her.  Meaning, I don't have to hide all my craziness.  ;) 

 

 

Saturday

Yay for the other Bethany families getting here!  It was so great seeing them at breakfast this morning and meeting their kiddos!  And what a precious bunch of kiddos!!

 

Today was Alina's medical appointment.  Here's what you hope for with these appointments...no news is good news.  Meaning that you are hoping that the doctor's/nurses don't find anything that is different than what your referral states or there could be challenges.  If it gives you any indication as to what kind of day its going to be, there was a vending machine w/wine in it in the lobby of this building.   I think a lot of offices would do well to consider adding this to their offices.  The DMV for example. 

 

Ok..back to the medical appointment... ;)  It seems that Saturday is their busiest day.  But that could be because many of the adoptive families go on Saturday (not just Bethany families).  You have to visit 3 stations:  Nurses station, ENT, and Medical Screening.  And if your child is over 2, they have to get blood drawn.  Noooooo!  She did not like the medical exams but who likes a stranger touching them and talking to them while they are being poked and prodded?  STRANGER DANGER!

 

We went to a grocery store after the medical exam.  This is the same one that our guide took Randy to the other day when we were out in the van singing a song about poop.  It was a several story building and food was at the bottom.  Good thing that Randy knew where he was going & has such a good sense of direction anyway.  I would've been lost several times over already throughout this trip.  Our new guide, Shiyan told us we had to check out the different flavors of chips that they have here in China.  Mmmmm...seaweed Pringles!

 

We got to the check out and of course one of our items wouldn't scan.  The cashier was trying to tell me what was happening but I couldn't understand.  I got to use one of the phrases that I learned in Mandarin class "Wo ting bu dong." Which means, "I don't understand."  Thanks Michelle!  That one came in handy!  We just left that item behind.  OK...it was my Coke.  Stop it.  Stop judging me.  :p

 

We got back to the hotel and one of us had to go to a meeting at 3:00 to finish some paperwork.  For you that are in the paperwork stage right now...um...no...it doesn't ever end.  Did I mention how much I love paperwork?  The good news is that our guide Shiyan has done this before & so she took the paper line by line & told us what document we needed.  The hard part is when you bring along every. single. paper that you have just in case.  It's a lot to look through.  Most of what we needed though for our visa appointment had been given to us while in our province so it didn't take as long as I thought.  Plus its much easier to work when you have 10 other families there doing it together.  We are still missing our passport for Alina though.  And we need that for our consulate appointment on Tuesday.  I was told that we would have it by Monday.  Living on the edge.  Yup..it's what we do. 

 

Randy got the fun job of taking the girls to the swimming pool.  Caylee went swimming while Daddy and Alina watched.  Randy said that he was able to get Alina to say all of our names!!

 

Alina started feeding herself at dinner tonight.  I think there are so many things that she is capable of doing that we are unaware of just yet.  She keeps surprising us.  She has laughed a lot today.  She has definitely warmed to me and has even started copying some of my facial expressions.  :D  Everything was funny and we were enjoying trying to make her laugh. She has been smiling more freely.  I can't wait for everyone to see this smile in person!

 

Night time is still quite challenging.  It can take us 1 1/2 hours to get her to sleep.  But we will get there.

 

I was thinking today as I was watching the Bethany families with their kids just how special these kids with special needs are.  And about the way that God has stretched and opened our hearts in ways we weren't expecting.  A family adopts a child who is deaf and the entire family learns sign language together.  I am amazed.  And I think about our own Alina and the special needs that she has and how we didn't know anything about it before we started this journey.  I wonder where God is going to take us with her?  My friend reminded me of the scripture and said, "she was knit together in her mother's womb."  And I feel like she was created this way for her own unique self and for her own unique purpose.  And we are honored to be her parents! 

 

 

 

Friday:

 

THANK GOD FOR POOP!  Yes, I know I talked about poop the last time but you just don't understand how exciting this is!  She is a different kid!  A different kid I tell ya!  I mean no more pain, laughing when we crossed the street, smiling freely kind of kid!  So we are thankful today for poop (and modern medicine)! 

 

The day didn't start out like that though.  She was grumpy while waking up and we thought, "ok..not a morning person."  But it didn't get better from there.  We were on our way to the Botanical Gardens this morning & she just cried.  And not the just, "I'm whiny unhappy" kind of cry but the painful type of cry.  I tried to move her legs, I tried to rub her belly but even looking at her caused her to go into a tizzy.  As a parent, you know that when your kids are hurting, you are hurting.  And when there is nothing you can do to help them, it's even worse.  I was in tears by the time we got out of the van.

 

Randy put her in the Ergo & we walked around a little.  She started to settle down.  She even said, "fa fa" which is flower in Cantonese.  I cannot begin to tell you how beautiful the Botanical Gardens are!  And they are decorating for Chinese New Year (year of the horse by the way) so everything is vibrant and colorful.  To those of you that know my dad, you will understand this.  I am trying to take it all in for him.  I know how much he would appreciate the culture, the different surroundings, the tidbits of information.  So I am trying to soak it in more for him.  And pay attention to those little tidbits of information that I know he would appreciate.  Like which cities are sister cities in the friendship garden at the Botanical Gardens (I'll tell you later dad).  ;)

 

We came back and tried to put Alina down for a nap.  They told us at the orphanage that she takes a 2 1/2 hour nap per day and plus she sleeps from 9:00 pm - 7:00 am.  Um...let's just say that we are a little off schedule to say the least.  But when you try to give her a nap and think about how much her life has changed in just 5 days, sometimes you have to say heck with the schedule and go with what works.  Also being in a hotel room with others so close can make a difference.  No one needs to hear the cries of a baby for any length of time.  It is quite stressful.  Randy took Caylee out for a walk for that reason.  It's a lot at 10 to have to listen to the cries of a little one that just doesn't understand that she needs to sleep.

 

And then after the nap time is when the magic happened but I won't go into details about that. I think you might have heard all the poop stories that you need to hear for this time of day.  ;) 

 

We took Caylee to the swimming pool.  Can I just say how nice it is to be in the pool in the middle of January?  Again, just trying to soak it all in!  Caylee is always so happy when she is in the water! 

 

We went for dinner across the street at a coffee house.  It was so nice! We walked in and sat down & heard Justin Bieber singing, "Baby Baby Baby."  Caylee could not wait to tell her cousin Anika about that.  They had sandwiches & coffee/hot cocoa!  Alina was laughing as we crossed the street!  And can I tell you that she loves the camera!  Loves looking at the pictures of all of us on the camera.  Loves seeing herself on camera/video.  She was one happy girl! 

 

We got back to the hotel and saw some other Bethany families (they all flew in today)!  Yay!!  We liked the coffee house so much that we recommended it to them.  Uh..of course we had no idea that one of them was going to get robbed.  The dad chased the guy down & he eventually dropped the diaper bag that he took from them.  Always an adventure.  I told them that was part of the dinner and a show. 

 

We got back to the hotel room and were looking at pictures on the bed.  Alina was laughing so hard that she fell backward on the bed!  LAUGHING!!  I can not tell you how happy I am to hear this little laugh!  And such a hearty laugh too!  I can't wait for you guys to hear it!!  Apparently the sound, "Bee bee ba ba boo boo" is hilarious!  (you are trying to do that sound in your head now, aren't you?!  Admit it!  It's funny!).

 

We had a little trouble getting her to sleep again but I have to say that when she is asleep, she stays asleep.  Hooray!! 

 

I just wanted to add that I am not trying to expose Alina by telling you these stories about her.  I am honestly trying to just tell the story about our trip.  This is real life that we are experiencing right now and it has been challenging and wonderful and difficult and amazing all at the same time.  Thanks for walking this road with us! 

 

Thursday

 

Went for breakfast today.  They try to put all of the adoptive families together so that makes it nice.  The hotel is really nice and I am not trying to complain but I am so ready to go home.  I would trade this fancy hotel in for a nice quiet bowl of oatmeal at my kitchen table in a flash.  I miss my family.  I miss my peeps.  I am ready to have Alina home and start to show her around her new life in Maryland.

 

After breakfast Randy went to rent a stroller and the girls and I came up to the room so that we could get ready to go.  I was in the bathroom doing my make up and Caylee and Alina were playing with the Kindle.  There is a game on there with a cat that will repeat what you are saying in a high pitched voice.  I heard Caylee say, "Kitty getting a shower."  Next I heard Alina say, "Kitty getting a shower."  What what?!  It was the cutest, sweetest raspiest voice ever!!  I came out with my mouth gasped open and then a big smile came across my face.  Daggone it.  I should've stayed in the bathroom.  She might have talked more.  Usually positive encouragement works but not in this case.  In this case, the less emotion we show, the better. 

 

We met Cathy at 9:30 to go to the zoo.  Alina loved the stroller and cried when we tried to take her out of it.  She did not like the steps and cried every time we went down or up steps.  And she put her finger under her nose because it was smelly.  The animals were ok as long as they were far away.  If we tried to push her closer so she could see, she didn't like that.  I imagine with everything being new to her, it might be scary to be that close to animals (even if we are still so far). 

 

She laughed today at the zoo!  She tries to hide it immediately after she laughs by crying or whining but we know that she was laughing.  Of all things it was a hose that was leaking water that made her laugh.  We tried to go back to see it again but it was not as funny to her the second time.  ;) 

 

Caylee got to feed a giraffe.  His tongue was so long!  I think Cathy said 30 centimeters but I could be wrong.  We also got to see the llamas at feeding time.  One of the branches fell out & Cathy picked it up so that Caylee could feed the llamas too.  Boy that llama tore into that branch.  What an experience!

 

After the zoo, we asked if we could stop by a grocery store to pick up a few things.  Caylee and Alina really like these noodle things that are similar to Ramen noodles and it makes for an easy lunch.  Cathy and Randy ran into the store and the girls and I stayed out with the driver (P. S. His name is Mr. Lee).  He parked along the main street and got out of the van and smoked and stood outside.  It was weird to be in the middle of Guangzhou in a van by ourselves.  Seems like a perfect time to sing a song about poopy.  There has been a ton of talk this week about poop with Alina being so constipated (sorry that might be tmi for some of you...if so you may want to close your eyes now).  Who can say that they sang a song about poop in the middle of Guangzhou?  This lady!  Shortly after that, Alina said jie jie (big sister) and pointed to Caylee while we were waiting.  I guess the song about poop warmed her up.  ;)

 

We got back to the hotel and went to put Alina down for a nap.  Wasn't happening.  I mean, arch your back, throw a fit wasn't happening.  I walked with her, Randy walked with her and she fell asleep but as soon as he layed her down, she was awake.  We decided to just let her sit with me while Randy and Caylee went to the pool (totally loving this warm weather!).  She ate a cracker!  A sandwich cracker!  She is trying new things!  We decided to put on Alina's cute little frilly bathing suit and see how she did in the pool.  Um..did I mention this little girl who is not talking much has no problem expressing how she feels?!  She did not like the pool and wasn't going near it. 

 

As we were sitting by the pool, she had a marker in her hand.  She took the lid off, would pretend to dip it in the lid and then draw with it.  She would dip it in again and draw with it again.  I bet she has watched someone paint before (she is so observant).  And I can't wait to put some paints in her hands!

 

On a different note, when I put her bathing suit on and let her look at herself in the mirror, she laughed.  But then the laugh turned to crying as soon as she realized that she laughed.  She may be hiding but she is starting to come out.  She likes frilly.  She liked the hair bows too.  She saw it and tried to hide her smile. 

 

We are exhausted tonight and just went to McDonalds for dinner (it's right next door).  Alina tried a French fry and liked it.  Yes, yes, I know that McDonalds isn't the best option when you are trying to get away from a diet of rice and we told her that we probably won't visit McDonalds much at home.  Chick-fil-A yes.  McDonalds no.  ;)